What a change of perspective great news can bring!

I'm going out on a limb here that people I know won't stumble upon this blog and blurt this out to people whom we may mutually know. If anyone I know does see this, please keep it to yourself for another week or so.

I found out today that I'm going to be an uncle for the first time. Not an "honorary uncle" to my friends' kids (all of whom I love dearly). A real, genuine uncle! Wow! This is something I've wanted for probably at least 8 years! I never told my sister about that wish (until an email that I just sent her), because I thought it wasn't any of my business when she decided to have a kid...and I can't control it, anyway. Still, I've wanted this day to come for a long time, and I know I'd rather be an uncle than a father (at least at this point in my life).

So how do I feel about it? Does "over the moon" sound too strong? It doesn't feel that way for me! In addition to my long-held wish to be an uncle, I know that my sister and brother-in-law, being the wonderful people that they are, will make fantastic parents! Although I wasn't totally sure that my sister really wanted a kid, I definitely know the answer now! I couldn't be happier for her and her husband. I know that their child (don't know the sex yet) will be raised in a home full of love, life, and happiness. There will be discipline, too, when needed. But as a good friend of mine says, "discipline means love." As much as I can get that without being a parent myself, I think I understand that a little better today. I'm sure I'll understand it even better when my sister gives birth. No matter what, though, I know that their child will never want for love or security.

This also gives me hope. For so long it's seemed to me like the good people were always the ones who got screwed (well, maybe not always, but surely more than was necessary). It shows me that maybe God does want good things to happen to good people. Hell, even if God had nothing to do with it, the fact that a great thing has happened to two great people makes me smile and lifts my spirits.

On a selfish note, this is easily the best news I've heard in months! It's been a really crappy few months for me lately, primarily due to medical issues that haven't seemed to let up. My sister's pregnancy changes my perspective on it all, though...big time! Sure, I've gone through hell in some ways, but haven't we all? Even though I've been through a lot, and even though I've felt like quitting a few times, today makes it all worth it. As that old Garth Brooks song goes, "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance." How true that seems to me now!

Speaking of songs, I know one that I'm definitely playing for my sister and brother-in-law after their child is born. Check out "I Saw God Today" by George Strait. It gets me whenever I hear it, and I think it will be even more meaningful when my new niece or nephew is born.

I was a little miffed at my sister earlier for a comment she made when she and I and my father and his wife had lunch Saturday. I was going to send her an email about it. While I don't like to feel condescended to as her comment made me feel, it doesn't really matter today. As I mentioned earlier, I sent an email to my sister. Nowhere in it was anything about any gripes I have with her. It doesn't matter today. All I know is that my sister is very happy, and for that, so am I.

God, please bless my sister and brother-in-law, and please bless my future niece or nephew. :)

Kids mess up a marriage...here's proof!

Before I get beaten to death with a 2 x 4 for the title of this post, let me say that I'm joking...to a point. I have friends who are married, with children, and who seem to have wonderful marriages. I know that having children doesn't necessarily have to screw up a marriage...in fact, having children can add to marital happiness for some couples.

That being said, it makes perfect sense to me that having children can, and often does, put serious strain on a marriage, as this story points out. I think a lot of people feel pressure to have children because "society" or "their parents" or "the biological clock" or any number of things tell them that the "normal" thing to do is to get married and have a kid, or two, or eight, in the case of "Octo-Mom" (sorry...couldn't resist the reference). These are completely ridiculous and wrong reasons to have a child, in my opinion. The only determiner of whether or not one has a child needs to be whether or not both the woman and the man are truly ready to be parents. To that end, I think that people need to think about having sex outside of marriage (or at least a committed relationship) and the consequences that will result if a pregnancy occurs. Not all of those consequences are bad, but they are all serious and must not be taken lightly!

What about birth control, you ask? Well, if you believe that it will be efficacious, and if your personal or religious beliefs do not preclude you from using it, then please use it if you are not ready to be a parent! Also remember, though, that birth control is not, and never has been, 100 percent effective...there will always be times that it doesn't work (I have known people who have dealt with the issues and consequences involving ineffective birth control).

Getting back to how having kids affects a marriage, though...even if you are completely convinced that you want a child and that you will make an excellent parent, a marriage will, by necessity, take a back seat to caring for the children...much of the time. That doesn't mean that the marriage will automatically fail or that it will even suffer a great deal, but let's face it...most married couples with children (at least young ones) are going to feel at some points that they have nothing left to give their partner at the end of the day. Kids or no kids, that is not a good position to be in regarding one's marriage! It happens, sure, but when it occurs on a consistent basis, the marriage can often be headed for trouble. That's why the couple has to insist that they have some time for just the two of them, whenever it's practically possible. I do have some friends who make time for "date night" every week, and they're raising two young daughters, both under the age of ten. I applaud them for doing that. Sometimes, even as much as you love your kids, your partner has to come first!

As you've probably guessed by now, I am not a parent. Currently, I have no desire to be a parent (although friends tell me that I would be a great dad...and they're probably right to an extent). I can't say for certain that I won't wake up someday and decide that I want to be a dad, but I don't see it happening (I have thought about it long and hard...trust me!). I admit that one of the attractive things to me about my girlfriend is that she doesn't want kids. I'm not sure if she and I will end up getting married, but if we do, I know that we will both feel a great sense of freedom in being able to pursue our interests, both separately and as a couple, without having to worry about taking care of a child.

I am not "anti-kid"...far from it. I absolutely adore the children that friends of mine have, and I love being their "honorary uncle." I also hope that my sister chooses to have a child someday, as I would love the chance to be a "real" uncle. I just don't feel that it is fair to myself, the woman I love, or to a child, for me to become a dad due to any other reason than having a genuine desire to do so, in conjunction with the woman I love having a genuine desire to become a mother. If I'm not genuinely ready to have a child and accept all of the responsibilities that come with having that child, then it's best I remain childless. I wish that more people would think about it that way before deciding to become a parent. The children are owed that.